Thank you! (Dream Reader)

Please forgive me if this letter sounds like I’m selling myself, no, wait my skills, or rather my profile to you. Job portals have done this to me. Forgive me if I sound like I am seeking approval and ignore my incoherent rambling. The countless applications that I have filled in anticipation of an interview call has made me sound like this.

But I know that you will not judge me. Not by this letter at least. Or my writing skills. You will read this with a big smile across your face. Even though I should have written this a decade ago. Or much before that. You will smile and humbly brush it aside, as if all your sacrifices were not worthy of even a little praise. And you will thank me for this. Even though this is my thank you letter. You will thank me nonetheless and tell me how brilliant I am. How I should perhaps have become a writer. How no one is quite as great as me.

But don’t. Cause these words can’t match up. They can’t do you justice. And they will fall short. But that’s all right. Because I know you understand. That I’m unable to convey my gratitude, quite the way you do. You always understand.

So thank you. For encouraging me and always helping me see the bright side. For being as brave as you are. For being a fighter. Always fighting for me.

Thank you for everything. And above all, for understanding that you don’t need this letter, a letter like this, to know how much I appreciate all that you do.

Love you Ma.

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What this is all about #blogging101

There’s no denying it, the blogs title is suggestive in a way. I am bored easily and it isn’t difficult to capture my interest. This blog is an attempt to get beyond that. To push through the mundane. To have a sense of purpose.

Words are a powerful tool and this blog helps me slow down and take stock of my life. Nothing in my apartment manages to stay private and leaving a diary around with its pages stained with the ink that’s poured from my mind isn’t the brightest idea. So it’s strange then that I decide to occasionally broadcast some of it on the world’s most public forum.

A friend once told me, my posts allow her to get inside my head. And that is what they are. About the way I perceive things and sometimes the way I would like you to see it. You know you are not alone. We are all alike. And we all have bad days. Take comfort in my pain.

I am not an unhappy person. Although my posts are sad. It’s hard to write when you’re having a good time.

I do not get attached but I struggle to let go. I’d like to be a minimalist. But for now I have too many things holding me back. This blog is little bit about that too.

I am a marketing professional but my boss said she lost a copy writer when I quit my job. I love to write. But I find the process tedious. Without direction and a plan it’s a task to get myself to do anything.

“blogging101” forces me to dish out something. It’s easier to follow something when it is already structured. When I don’t have to labour over what to write about. I can draw in the boundaries of my imagination and focus on specific areas. It pushes me to embrace my inner tunnel vision.

So let’s get writing. Let the games begin!

The BlogStation

The BlogStation

You live. You learn.

2014 was a fantastic year. An epic year.

A year where I haven’t regretted anything. Of course, there were decisions that I’ve sometimes second guessed. But it’s been backed with the maturity that taking bold decisions are a part of life. You win some and you learn some. That’s an important part of growing personally. The ability to take a few hits coupled with the understanding that these are small roadblocks and in a few years maybe even in a few months these wrong turns may not even matter. Sure, some of them might, but you can back yourself to tackle them.

Although the year just raced by, it’s been a year of consciousness and conscientiousness. I took the time to feel. I’ve tried to tackle my apathy. I’ve tried to draw in the reins on my stoic attitude and tried to apply a greater degree of self knowledge.

On the contrary I’ve also learned that my poorest decisions are taken out of emotion. You don’t take major life decisions when you’ve just been hit. You have some fine Scotch and sleep over it.

I’ve looked for progress not perfection. Which I believe is another turning point. Progress is encouraging and keeps you going. It’s as simple to understand as it is difficult to apply. Now I just focus on baby steps.

I’ve learned that it’s unfair to expect people to understand what you’re going through. Most people won’t. They can’t. Cause your situation is unique to you. The few that do, keep them close. Real close.

At the end of it all, it’s important to be hopeful. A new year brings hope. A chance to start over or an opportunity to pick up from where you left off. It’s a clean slate once again. That in itself is quite liberating.

I’m looking forward to 2015. To be present. To just be.

Image Credit: www.Etsy.com

Image Credit: http://www.Etsy.com

 

The Devil of Dogma

“It’s so ironic you know.” What? I asked my friend taking my eyes of the skyline in the distance. He was wasted and we were slumped against the wall of the terrace. It was rather cold and windy. Winter was setting in. “People. We live in a world of bigots. I cannot accurately convey the frustration I feel at such incidents.”

“Then you might want to tell me what exactly you’re referring to?”

“Like the other day, this friend of mine put up this post. It was about cruelty to animals. You know how they put a sorry picture of a wounded dog or whatever, and say how inhumane it is to torture or kick them. You know that sort of shit. And the next thing you know she puts up some really appetizing pictures of these pork chops. Like that cute pigling was pampered at the pet spa before landing in her plate.”

“Guess maybe it rids them of the guilt of not doing anything although they care and helps them feel better about themselves?”, I said trying to block out images of cows hung upside down, being dismembered.

“Like even this moral policing you know” he went on “It’s quite ridiculous, wouldn’t you rather look at silhouettes of people kissing in public than watch people defecating in broad daylight during your morning commute?”

“I’d rather have neither, but I understand what you’re saying”

Image Credit: Sodahead.com

Image Credit: Sodahead.com

“And this friend of mine, she practically lives on McDonalds and taunts me that marijuana is someday going to kill me. Junk food and all that commuting, inhaling those poisonous gases coming out of those cars, is a far more effective way of buying a ticket into the other world than marijuana! Smoke will kill her too, just of a different kind.

It’s ironic how they unconsciously feed the monster they set out to destroy. People are quite fucked up like that. All hypocrites. They just have this fucked up habit of trying to appear all righteous and conveniently ignoring the true picture.”

My thoughts stalled and jammed momentarily on what he was saying. And he was right, my friend so haunted by talent as he was swallowed by addiction, my friend, he was right. His outlandish comparisons strangely made sense. And as I saw him inhale the white line of smack of that crumpled foil, with its subsequent crackle, I couldn’t help but smile at the irony, the irony of him bringing up the fucked up habits of others.

Image Credit: djbiggaboss.com

Image Credit: djbiggaboss.com

Why so Racist, India?

Racism for some reason has always been the subject of my interest. It’s amazing how the colour of your skin can play a vital role in determining your place in the world. It’s also funny how people can love or hate you based just on that.

We’ve seen the media rife with news about Michael Brown and Eric Garner recently. It’s sad that racism is still quite rampant in a country as progressive as the US. But it also got me thinking about racism in our own backyard. Would such a killing in India (which surely happens every now and then against the lower castes) even warrant a trial? Would the authorities in rural India even consider it a crime? Do they even consider them human? I don’t know. But I do know that a significant number of them are considered slaves. But that’s just rural India, right? Well, is it?

I grew up in the hip suburban town of Bandra which is also quite popular for its forward thinking citizens and all kinds of pop culture. But I still was occasionally subject to racist behaviour in school. Although, I don’t consider myself especially dark skinned just a tad bit tanned from all the outdoorsy activities, my classmates occasionally called me ‘Kaalya’, when they ran out of more intelligent retorts, almost as if they knew that it was a very effective cheap shot. The colour of one’s skin is a very personal matter and although fully aware and equipped with the knowledge that I was anything but black, it still did considerable but temporary damage to my self-esteem. I can’t imagine, what those kids who are actually dark skinned go through. They were teased all the time. And whatever happens to the girls. At such a young impressionable age it’s difficult to understand that the colour of your skin doesn’t make you any less of a person.

I was at Leopold Cafe around 4 years ago, the legendary Colaba bar, but I was treated with disdain. The staff was eager to serve all the Caucasian white customers but very pretty rude and impatient with me. This definitely wasn’t about a higher tip. They looked like hippies and weren’t particularly the high spending type. I looked like I could match their tip or higher perhaps. Alas, I wasn’t white. Indians treating Indians as second class citizens in India. Appalling! Again, happening in the heart of India’s arguably most modern city, in the very liberal Colaba.

Image Courtesy : The Hindu

Image Courtesy : The Hindu

To us, all black individuals are Africans, and only whites have nationalities. All ‘Africans’ are drug dealers and all whites are highly paid expats. Until recently most North East Indian folks were called Chinese or Chinky. Now a lot of them are being brutally beaten.

We want fair skinned celebrities and fair skinned grooms & brides. I barely see any dark skinned actors either on TV or the big screen. I barely see any fair skinned labourers or domestic helpers. We complained about the Americans whining they had an Indian as Miss America instead of lauding the fact that she became Miss America in spite of being dark skinned. Would a girl of her complexion even stand a chance like that in India?

A close friend of mine, routinely asks me a question whenever a dark girl passes by me. He asks me if I would date them. He asks me because she’s seemingly pretty. He doesn’t ask me these questions when a fair skinned cute girl walks by.

We may all be racist in some ways. But at least the Westerners seem more sensitised to it. We just don’t admit it. Maybe we don’t even know it. I think we just ignore it.

India’s is on the brink of being a formidable world power with the new government. We have start ups and business springing up all around. But the true progress of a nation should be judged by its mindset and outlook towards such things and not merely by the size of its economy.

Image Courtesy: http://paulhastings.me

Image Courtesy: http://paulhastings.me

Cause I will write a song for you

couple-playing-guitar-on-sofa-affection

 

When you’re feeling like a misfit,

And people are looking down on you,

You need to show some grit, even if for just a little bit,

Cause I will write a song for you.

 

When all your friends are gone,

And there are no aces in the cards you’ve drawn,

Just deal yourself another hand,

Cause I will write a song for you.

 

I know you’re not getting any younger,

You’re wondering how the years went by,

How time, is slowly catching up,

How the carefree life is such a far cry,

And its frightening, how all the warnings suddenly ring true,

But hold on babe,

Cause I will write a song for you.

 

When you’re happiness is fleeting,

And you’ve lost sight of the dreams you’ve been chasing,

So now you don’t know what to do,

And you don’t have the slightest clue,

But don’t just yet bid adieu,

Cause babe, I will write a song for you.

 

When your whole world is out of place,

And you just want to leave without a trace,

But please show yourself some grace,

Cause I will write a song for you.

 

When your darkest days are about to appear,

When you’re about to lose someone you loved so dear,

And you’ve cried so hard, you can’t shed another tear,

hold on babe,

Cause I will write a song for you.

 

When no one seems to love you,

And they see only you’re furrowed brow,

But not a hint of all that pain and sorrow,

Weary from facing another tomorrow.

You’re way too proud, but you secretly wish they knew,

But don’t worry babe, cause I will write a song for you.

 

When the world seems overbearing,

And your life seems like a lie,

Let it go with just a sigh, and run to me with arms open wide.

Cause babe, I’ve written this song just for you.

adorable-couple-cute-holding-hand-sunset-guitar

The Stoner Anthem

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So darling, let me have just another puff,

It’s been so long that I haven’t had that stuff,

I know you’ve made your point,

But darling, it’s just a fking joint,

I don’t want to lie,

Sometimes I just need to get high,

You really seem to care about the damage it could do

but let’s be fair, it’s another place that it takes you to.

Can you quit it, maybe I should ask you

 

There’s no devil here, not the one you’re looking for

It’s just a liberator, unshackling chains and breaking the law

So keep your wisdom locked up in your conventional mind

Don’t let it out, cause that’s the only place it belongs

There’s enough of everything pulling us back, so just sing us a new song.

 

So don’t you mind, don’t be so radical

the smoke just makes it hazy for you to judge

We are not the lucky ones, just mere mortals

Living in circles, our lives ruined by drudge

Sometimes life can be endless, and that’s what we fear

That things will be the same, year after year

With no purpose, what do you live for

You thirst for a fight, hope for that war

And you’ve had better days,

and now you’re living with your lonely ways,

Worshiping the shrine of sadness, silenced by the noise,

you see the blank screen in front you, with words as your only toys.

 

So we’ve got bigger problems, so stay awhile, before you go,

It’ll all be better before you even know,

This only makes you human, even if it makes you weak

Let the Tambourine man play his song, its only solace we seek.

 

Drugs and alcohol are not my problem. Reality is my problem. Drugs and alcohol are my solution.” – Russell Brand

Coming undone.

Image Credit: deviantart.net

Image Credit: deviantart.net

It’s that time again, where we almost say good bye

that time where we don’t know what we are in for

So we stay lonely for a while, tears washing away our smiles

But then we say that this is not what we want and wipe our eyes dry.

 

We stay on, stay for some more time,

We can’t go now, you don’t say what you feel, but your eyes they can’t lie

The truth can wait, there’s no need for it,

Pushing our issues under the carpet, but building them up, bit by bit.

Then the scarlet pours from our hearts,

Drifting us away and tearing us apart.

 

So we get back together again, till our disagreements pull us down,

when you stay late at work, when I’m out of town,

Our roads are different, although they are intertwining

we’re under the stars but tonight they are not shining.

 

So we can’t stay apart, Cause there’s always something new to talk about,

Sometimes making you squirm, making me want to tear my hair out

You’re beautiful, in such a timeless way that will stay on forever,

But this is taking its toll, I can tell, as your voice, it quivers

sad-couple-hug-cute-bench

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s that space I’ve always wanted to fill,

But I understand, I can’t be everything to you,

My heart cant stop racing but your emotion lies still

So turn around and walk away, and that’ll be my cue

 

But then it’s so hard to let you go,

To never see you walk again through my bedroom door,

And I’ll be alone walking at bandstand,

and lonely at Christmas, dancing by myself to that crappy band

There won’t be anyone to buy roses for anymore

and you won’t be around to call when I’m feeling so low,

Country music doesn’t seem so bad, now when I look back

At least they got things on a happier track

So no more trips to see the divine,

No more calling my baby all mine

And I won’t see that smile of yours, burning brighter than the sun,

And although this is my good bye, let’s hope this can be undone.

How I lost 2% BF in 2 Weeks

Circa 2007: Your getting a little tummy mate, said my co worker mockingly. Annoying prick had a 6 pack. ‘Whoa, no chance mate, I’m too thin for that to happen. I just can’t put on any weight’ I replied, my pride hurt. ‘Whatever, that what everyone says at your age’ he said and walked away.

Fast-forward 2014: Those somewhat washboard abs have merged into one big ugly bump giving me the look of kwashiorkor kid we learned about back in school.

You see growing up I was scrawny (yes, people often called me that) and grossly underweight. Went on a mission to put on weight care if it was fat or muscle, my obsession was with the needle to move right. Well it definitely turned out to be more fat than muscle. A lot more fat.

But at least I got the numbers up from 53kgs to 80kgs.

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Anyway, a couple of months back I casually visited the dietician at work, since a colleague of mine was going and it seemed an interesting idea to check my stats, you know body fat, BMI and all. I like performance stats for some reason. I have no idea why.

While it was nothing surprising that my body fat shown at 20% it made me feel pretty bad all the same. Maybe because just 5 years ago it was at 14? but yeah fuck that was 5 years ago before I went on my ‘See Food Diet’ to put on some pounds which went horribly wrong and instead of Tom Hardy from Warrior made me look like Homer Simpson (it won’t be long before my head looks like his as well but I’ll save my balding story for another day)

So I decided to go on a diet. The Slow Carb Diet suggested by the super human Tim Ferris ( the guys a genius, read his work) It must be easy I  thought. Well it was and it wasn’t. But I learned quite a bit during the whole process which can be applied to life in general. Here goes.

It is much easier to eat than not to eat.

When I was thin, I thought these fat folks have it easy. If you have a super fast metabolism like I did back then, you have to work for each pound that you put on. It’s not easy. Eating all that food is tough and time consuming. But I still found that to be much easier than saying no to food. Not eating something is difficult for obvious reasons such as hunger, comfort foods etc but it also has to do with the people around you. Eating healthy or maybe following a particular diet becomes such a big deal. People get all cocky and say ‘oh your dieting’ drawing all kinds of unwanted attention.

It’s also, for some inane reason, maybe not so polite to refuse a sweet or some food and people always want to know why you refused. Well, I don’t like sweets anyway but the most common thing I hear is people saying ‘oh you’re on a diet or what’.  When I say no, they’d force me to eat, if I said yes, the entire world would know I’m on a diet.

Less is more

Change 1 big component: there is always one variable which makes all the difference. I cut out rice. Completely. Well almost. I ate rice at maybe 4-5 meals in 2 weeks. that’s a big task considering I consume rice for every meal. I lost 3kgs in 2 weeks. and dropped a 2% on body fat. This was without even exercising. Well I did limit my carb intake such as cut out on bread, chocolates etc but went totally apeshit with beer on the weekends which balanced it out. Still lost some weight mate!

It could be chocolate, alcohol or chips for you. Just cut out that shit.

Motivation

Get motivated. I had a trip to goa which was around the corner. So that was good motivation. and immediate. I know a lot of folks might say think long term, while that’s right, but having some important event or occasion sometime soon, where you would like to look a little better at least helps you get started

Lack of choice

I pretty much ate the same meals everyday as suggested by Tim Ferris. Cutting out choice just helps you deal with it better. You don’t have to think much and just focus on eating. I ate 2 eggs for breakfast, baked beans and chicken & vegetable stir fry for lunch and dinner for most of the 2 weeks. It just makes it easier to do. like having a uniform or something. It just gets you on autopilot.

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Losing weight is simple. Being consistent is challenging.

Yeah that’s right. Losing weight is simple. It just involves consuming less calories than you burn. So all you have to do is either eat less or exercise more. However the key thing here is to be consistent. Just a couple of days off the diet can make you not want to go back. I guess it’s just like being an addict, every time you fall off it, it’s much harder to get up again. Don’t quit if you don’t want to start over. If you can’t do the diet, do a little exercise. That just helps you keep momentum

Make the goal your only focus

At least for the stipulated time maybe 2weeks or a month, just make the weight loss or fat loss your only goal. It will soon become a habit. Try not to focus on another important habit which will involve using your willpower such as maybe getting up early or something like that. Use your willpower muscle sparingly. There’s only so much you can do.

Document it

Yeah, this does help. Write down whatever you eat. It helps keep your diet or exercise regimen on track. I don’t quite know the exact science of why this works but it definitely does. It also makes you feel like a writer.

Anyway I fell off the bandwagon. I guess I had conflicting goals. people told me I had lost weight. That was good to hear, but it was also followed by your looking thin. Well I hate being called thin. I’d rather have people call me fat face, fat lips whatever that’s better than being called thin. I’m quite weird like that. so I got off the diet and decided to eat more and exercise more. Just get a little stronger perhaps.

So there you have it my experiment with a diet to lower body fat. Doing something like this fun. Try it.

Things I realised in 2013

374251_10152793785605184_180826402_nThis maybe a little premature, considering it’s not Dec yet when a list like this should typically come out. But Dec is always a busy month. Considering, all my bitches are coming down, it’s going to be tough to get anything on the blog. Although I have run through the possibility of this article having more life if I was stoned or wasted as I maybe next month. But well this is now and who knows then.

Life’s a bitch

So be a dog and fuck it. Wise words from my ol friend Marisa! Yes, life will routinely test you and bring you down. It’s gonna fuck you up and bring you to your knees and make you wanna eat big bobs cock meat sandwich. But resist. Cause that’s the easiest thing to do, not the wisest but the easiest.

I’m tested every day at my new job. It’s demanding, and after a 2 year mini –work cum vacation its incredibly challenging. But I’m doing my best to hang in there, hoping to learn from it so that I get something greater out of it.

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Live your dreams. But start small.

I don’t draw fat pay cheques. But I love to travel and I do. Maybe I’m lucky but I’ve figured you don’t need a lot of money to live your dreams. You just need to plan and prioritize. Far too often I come across people who complain that they don’t make enough to go abroad for a holiday. These are the same people that go to expensive bars and buy expensive phones. A decent phone is 75% of your ticket money. And that’s Europe! There’s Vietnam, Thailand and the continent of Africa. All pretty affordable and do able.   Sorting out leave though, maybe a cause for concern.

Don’t buy into the fleeting happiness of material things.Spend on experiences, they will last you a lifetime.  Start small and taste blood. That’ll help you chase your dreams harder and faster.

Education. Never underestimate it

MBA’s are the new whipping boys. Only pilots without jobs are considered more common than MBA’s. Maybe not. But every day you come across a large number of people that make education or pursuing a higher degree not so valuable. I have batch mates who mention they’ve wasted two years. Maybe, but they also claim to have an unfair advantage over their colleagues and draw higher paycheques than those who worked those two years they studied. Dropping out is overrated. Far too glamourised. Don’t go by Jobs and Zuckerberg. Remember they dropped out of Stanford and Harvard. That’s the word!

Friends are family

Friends over lovers. Bros over hoes. Too often we move away from the latter to please the former. Only to come back to the former when the latter is your former. Don’t do that. Your friends may take you back. But you never should have left in the first place.

Girlfriends are important

If your as lucky as I am, youll know what I’m talking about J .But whoever said I was lucky! Relationships are underrated. They are like a well oiled beast of a machine. You’ve gotta pamper it, put in some effort, but when you’ve got things in control, you only want to let it loose. Your girlfriend is your escapism. Both your red and blue pill.

Comparisons are unfair. Always

Never compare yourself to anyone. Success has far too many complex variables to put anyone on an even keel. Environments, education, family, friends…they all shape us in so many unique ways its impossible to say everyone’s equal. Everyone’s environment is different;     all you can do is play with the gifts that God gives you. Sometimes, I can’t stop comparing beating myself up for not being up to someone else standards. But I’ve almost kicked the habit. Its redeeming when you don’t. Don’t live your life thinking about anyone else’s dreams and how they are achieving it. Learn yourself, discover what makes you happy, and never let go. Find what you love and let it kill you. Or save you.

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Never Ready

Waiting for people to accompany you to do things you love is a bad idea. You don’t need the company. Travel, join a class. You don’t need anyone; you don’t need company to do something you’ve always wanted to. If you wait for people to join you, you might have to wait a very long time. Go forth!