Crap

Yo yo yo, I don’t wanna sound like 50cent ..that bitch gives his life on rent,
Nor like some old fag with his old back bent,
So lets get down to business lady, n no my name aint shady,
This songs bout our dear old India,
Suffocating with pollution right up till her Bindya
What are our leaders doing for the betterment of this democracy of ours,
All they seem to want to do is bury it with dead flowers
All they do is give their usual blah blah
Coz giving a speech creates some mad hype n hoopla
Anyways this aint supposed to be no poem
And me writings a bad fkin omen
This is ma first and I know its kinda sad
But like they say your first can go pretty bad
So you can probably classify this as rap,
Get off yo ass bow and clap
So this is all the shit I could write
Trying to channelise all that spite
Now you might think I’m a lil weird like an old man with a haggard beard
But Im just a lil wannabe trying to write a decent song
So I could get into those videos with those gals in their pretty ass thongs
I know this sucks and it wont get me big bucks
So im gonna call the quits on this shit
Else you mofo’s deem me mentally unfit
Later Dawgs!

(I was 16..DONT JUDGE)

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So where do we go from here?

“Because it’s the question of your life and not knowing what to do is fuckin scary….but I didn’t choose to be this way! Lucky are all those people who have set their goals and are working on them”. Riddhi’s response to her career choice or the lack of it got me thinking.

I always wanted to be a wrestler when I was a kid, being bad seemed real good. I looked in the mirror and was pretty glad with what I saw…until I was told I my six packs were actually ribs. Good bye Hulk Hogan.

Michael Jordan could fly. The least I could was try. Sadly, trying wasn’t good enough and neither was I. Goodbye NBA.

The first subject I ever loved in college was law. The Practice, Philly and Boston Legal were like no other. Law, I figured was something that I could do. Arguing was my forte and I liked finding loopholes in systems. Dressing the way lawyers did on TV and having sexy, intelligent co workers seemed amazing. I was chilling at Samarth’s one evening (his dads a civil lawyer) and came across a few law books. They weighed around a ton. You get the drift. Goodbye Devil’s Advocate.

I somehow managed to graduate with an average score to the astonishment of my folks who thought I wouldn’t clear. So now what?

I had no idea. Most people knew. R & S wanted to be air hostesses, married, have kids and quit, Farzad always had his Dad’s bar, Marisa wanted to be the PR queen, Ryan loved logistics and Sidesh well he had other issues.

So I decided to join a bank. In the first hour I knew I wouldn’t last long.
Two months later I was at a Market Research firm and Eight months later I was home preparing for CET. Why? Better prospects? Not really, I didn’t enjoy working and just wanted to get back into those glorious days college secretly hoping it would prepare me for something big and open a few doors.

I still don’t know what I want to do. Of course it worries me. Strange looks are drawn when I provide inconclusive answers to the career questions. That’s just the way I’m wired, I can’t help it if I just don’t know. But you know what I do know; I know what I don’t want to do. I don’t want to be a CEO who doesn’t have a life, who doesn’t see his family, who can’t even see his toes (haha). I don’t want to be drawing fat pay checks and then crib about my job. Blame it on lack of ambition or just the desire to have fun (which we shall discuss some other time). Anyways I’m sure there are plenty of people like me out there who may just feel the world is passing them by but it really isn’t. Sometimes not knowing only makes life more interesting, you can have a new career every day. What will I do? Experiment maybe, cause unless you don’t experience it or live it, you don’t know shit.

For All the Right Reasons

A couple of years and countless tries later heres another feeble attempt at trying to write something. But writings never easy right? Especially if im trying to write something to impress you. Probably that’s why I never got down to write anything in the first place. All the wrong reasons, never made anyone “write”. So why am I even hitting the keys right now? When I could very well listen to Staind, watch Jimmy and Doug beat the shit out of some ninjas on Fight Quest or even call Nadia (which is incidentally what I usually do, though she claims otherwise). Satwik claimed blogging does to him what punching does to Rocky, it helps him deal with all the jazz that life doles out.

But does it really? Hell yeah! I must have been 15 or 16…you know the time identity crisis creep up and end up making you feeling like a creep? Fitting in was never my forte and college wasn’t my castle. Eminem was my hero. I sought solace in all his music. Not the best way to go bout things you might say…but probably even Marines listen to his music in the hope of getting their adrenaline rushing and their confidence soaring, and trust me it worked and still does. “Lose yourself” and “Till I collapse” cured some of my issues…but writing words and making them rhyme cured the rest. I haven’t seen that diary I confided in, in years.

Issues can’t really be called issues if there aren’t girls in them. So who was she? She was some one I took balloons and flowers for on bandstand but then burst them because she was embarrassed to walk with them. So yes, I must have been a pretty miserable bloke back then. Winters never favoured me, neither did she and a back injury robbed me of the other love of my life – basketball. So when you’re listening and singing along to O.C. soundtracks, staring at MSN for hours hoping for the small messenger window that says _____ to pop up (cause you’d rather do that than read the eco text book), checking your phone every 5mins and popping painkillers every 12 hours..life isn’t quite what it should be.
So why am I telling you all this? Cause all I can recall is hitting the same keyboard in the same place with familiar emotions of uncertainty and pain all in the hope to just feel better. Nothing could quite numb the pain but then I’d rather have pain than nothing at all.